... and i said

Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't
but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you REALLY DO

from my hsh.11pm

sang maba menghadapi uts

time walk so fast. baru beberapa hari kemaren , gue membayangkan bakal tidur malem bahkan pagi , buat belajar uts . BUT now , udah lewat 2 mata kuliah yang di-uts-kan. So far , it absolutely confuse .

Why ?

ya jelas lah , gwe maba yang ga dapet pelajaran tata negara di SMA , tapi nekad masuk fakultas hukum *hahay.mantap* .

honestly , i don't really understand what i've been learning about . ilmu negara , phi , pih , dan berbagai pelajaran pelengkap lainnya. Quote dosen yang paling sering gue denger adalah " Hukum bukan pelajaran hafalan , hukum itu pake pemahaman dan logika ".
But in fact .....................
* i HAVE TO memorize it *
There's a lot of abstract stuff that i CAN'T understand .!!
* what a pity * =((

Kalo mata kuliah cuma sekedar ngafal , berarti orang yang bisa ngafal mati dari buku tanpa harus memahami , bisa lebih sukseskah nantinya dengan orang yang biasa-biasa aja tapi selalu mencoba untuk ga menghafal tapi memahami ?? I don't think so . Sekali ngafal , beberapa hari kemudian kita bisa lupa. Tapi kalo kita paham , we'll never forget it for sure. Sometimes, menghafal memang jalan pintas mendapat nilai yang bagus . But i'm sure that i learned something from this kind of case.

SCORE is not everything though you can get a lot of things with high score .

Nilai A , B , bisa aja kita dapet dengan ngafal mati diktat atau kata-kata dosen . But i really-really sure , I WILL NOT satisfied with that . Kebanggaan bernilai tinggi , ga akan sama dengan kebanggaan memahami sesuatu . Well , nyatanya sekarang kalo ditanya lagi tentang hukum pidana , hukum tata negara n friends,i can't explain it all * he he he *. Or kalo IPK kita 4 pun tapi EQ yang ga seimbang,semua pun jadi sia-sia .



All the things in life need BALANCING .
sesuatu yang terlalu berlebihan dan berkekurangan bakal sama-sama ga baik.


Dan ketika gue sampai rumah untuk menemui orang tua yang sudah lama tak berjumpa , my paps brought me this pic :


. HARVARD .



Humpp, gue yakin banyak orang yang pengen masuk kesitu . But i'm not one of them . * he he he * Selain karena kemampuan otak gue ~_~ , i really sure that i love my Indonesia. KECUALI, untuk belajar disana untuk berbagi ilmu di Indonesia and suceed to be an activist .
dan tentunya ,, setelah Harvard turun standart .. * hihi *

my humm sweet hum
17 Oktober 2006 . 9.20 pm
hoahhhmmm....sleepy

..... finally

finally , i know that i ALWAYShave friends to lean on and to cry on ..



happy UTS
saturday.14.okt.06.
11.45.pm

from the library of FHUI

wat do you think about this stressful two girls ?
we're going to have mid-term test on monday !!!
smangaadhhh * !!

Learning from reality

this afternoon, i went to my old school to return some book to Mr.Yo. I decided to go after babel class. First, i planned to go with my roomate, but actually she was still having an MPKT class at 12.30pm. So, i made a decision to go alone by myself.

i went to bsd by *KOPAJA* . hehe .. (sombong..) actually this is my first time went home by bus and alone.At first i was scared but i tried to make myself sure that i have to tried the other things in my life. Not always a life with comfortable house, good car, driver, and a lot of comfort things. I know that people always like comfort stuff , but i do sure that sometimes , we can't grow up and be mature with all th comfort stuff.

i arrived at my school at 2pm . A little too late from my first plan. [ hhahha..sampe aja udah untung ] My friends used to ask me to be absent at babel class actually . But i don't think that's good. Ow God, mid term test coming soon !! I don't think that i have bravery to be absent in babel class. I feel so tired there. But i was so happy because i meet 2 of my best friends in highschool . They asked me to get lunch and i said yes. We went to WTC and got some meal. There was nothing special with that kind of lunch . We just ate and laughed like we usually do . But after finishing our lunch and decided to go back home , i saw something special.

it was so special for me.

I saw a man that i used to call him satpam . =) he's not cute , good looking , or whatever it is . But i saw him help one nanny to get down by escalator. He hold her hands and accompanied her untill he sure that her saved.

it's so simple , right ? But i haven't seen it for a long---long time. Find someone that still caring other people is my pleasure. I learned something from him. It's not about his job that insist him to help people. But it is about his care. Care to other people whoever he/she is .We had educated since we were a child. Our parents "insist" us to go to school. Suppported us for always doing the best and getting the 1st place at class. we succeed to graduate from elementary, junior, and senior high school and come to university . But at last, we have to realize that knowledge without heart is nothing.

People can get a lot of money by being a workaholic. People can make a lot of project that can make them rich by learning a lot of knowledge. But if they are a corruptor ? if they are hurt someone's live ? They will be nothing at all. I'm sure that the man who helped the nanny had never wished to be a *satpam*. I'm sure that he wants to be more. But , i saw something within him. He didn't have a lot of knowledge, but he had a big heart. Big heart that can make someone's smile.

Life is about choose and decide. Having a lot of chance will be nothing if we're not taking the right one for us.
Not only the right one to make us happy, but also to make other's happy

9.45pm . my lovely house.
october 11,06. *happy bday , ara*
love u much

what my hearts said

.... to get something , you don't have to lose something


bu eri...
entah kenapa lo bener mulu , bu
hehhe ..
and i'm on my way to keep better and doing my best here
i learned much from my mistaken

and to all my new friends
andre, warman, rani, tia, tantri
thanks for ur support
ayoo,, it must be succeed !! =)) *tersenyum ngarep*


dion's room
11.06pm . cornelius
makasie kaka [?!!] dYonz,atas pinjaman internetnya

while parents were going abroad

now it's 12.10am n still can't sleep ..
since my parents went to
Boston last week, i felt that my house is uncontrol.
hehe .. there's a lot of lie here ! * ugh,bete
pertama adalah my lovely younger sist yang udah tau sakit ,, malah nyelonong tanding basket di SPH. Think that her body's not going to be drop again, gue pasrah deh ga kasi tau my grandma klo dya sebenarnya pgi ke main basket ,bukan ke wtc. untunglah her team got 2nd place in that championship ! cos if it's not , i think she's gonna be ill again *merepotkan*
ya, maklumlah, she's basketball addict, walalupun dya lebih addict sama dirly idol yang selalu dipandanginya sambil terkagum-kagum dengan wajah oh-uh-oh-nya .


n now, i'm still waiting for my sister to come home .
with my *ow-ow''already sunday morning and she's not comin yet* face ,, gue tunggulah dia sambil menonton tayangan baru gue every saturday nite ..
the show which have a popular qoute *don't try this at home*
and *CRAZY* , the show is really really crazy
gue ga tau itu manusia pada kebuat dari apaan
tapi feels like they have a lot of life
padahal, as i am normal , yang gue tau hidup tiap orang cuma punya satu nyawa, bukan ?
tayangan smack downitu membuat kebyasaan gue untuk bertanya-tanya dalam hatipun keluar
who's the 1st people who have the idea to make that show
seharusnya orang normal ga tahan diinjek-injek , ditendang, dipukulin
but those people who have a HUGE buggy body tersebut ,, tahan digituin !!
mereka malah bangga ikut acara smack down..
padahal harusnya sekali smack langsung down..

*hwakakak ...-_-' garing ya ?!*

karena ga tahan dengan kekerasan itulah (ya elah, berasa gue yang ngalamin -_-')
gue akhirnya berinisiatif mengganti chanel menjadi RCTI
dan thanks God, gue ketemu lagi sama acara yang nyaris ga pernah gue tonton lagi
OFFICE BOY
haha ... it shakes my stomach dan membuat gue sedikit melupakan sambut malam kelabu gue ini
duduk di rumah * menunggu kakak pulang


wadooowww....
where are you, sisterr !!!!
come home soon please ...
i'm sleepy ... *so sleepy ...



n thanks God again ..
i hear my sist cempreng klakson now ..
she's comin !!! [*scream.loud.with. yippyyippyyeaystyle*]!
uhhh ... my flufffy beeeddd... here i come !!!

zZZzzZzzz

so blue sunday too morning
12.25am
more blue when i know today is 8

devil wears prada, superman wears ... ?

haha .. i came to my school this afternoon ..
just to see how my sanur had grown up so fast .. * phew *
siska my chupchup accompanied me ..
then she showed me a funny picture that made me laugh like crazy ..

here is the picture :

superman wears junggem clothes

hoho .. how come is superhero wears junggem clohes ??
i was so interested , too see the other picture ..

n here it is , the second pic :



*konyol banget ...
superman wears sarung ???
i haven't watch devil wears prada yet ..
but i'm sure that if there is a film
titled SUPERMAN WEARS SARUNG
it will be great film ..
* hehe .. jayus, sya! -_-'*

but ,
i know aura superheroes superman selalu ada disitu ..
no matter what he wears..
so i conclude something ..
DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER really true !
walaupun superman pake kaos winny the pooh ,,
he still have great power and great will
to help people with his power
cos actually ,
from great power
comes great responsibilty

hmppp... itu bukannya quote spiderman ??
* -_-'

i'm sorry

phew ..
bip .. bip ..
*my cellphone rang when i was watching CLICK *
THEN one message appear

long time ago u hurt me
now u kill very cell in my body
u kill all that i have

i ignored that message
then it rang again *huks*

bye sya
ilove you
more than my self
i love you

with all that i have
i love you
bye
i hope we can meet in another world

i really tried to avoid my broken
but actually it doesn't go yet





with purple shirt and short pants
ready go to sleep and keep dreaming
enjoying my home sweet home
before monday comes, so i have to back to "cornel"
06.10.2006 -- 10:39 PM

forum C L3k4

what a wonderful nite..
semalm gue menyelundupkan 2 orang teman buddy gwe ke kamar..
dengan maksud berbagi sdikit perasaan yang ga bisa terbagi ke orang lain ..
but ternyata .. ga forum curhat cuma ada 15 menit pas jam1.30 pagi..
dari jam 10 malm kita beli indomie ..
dan di warung , gue dan temen gw , si kikay ,, lyat tayangan metro tv ..
tentang G 30 S [ PKI ] --> I mean that word is optional .. ^^
disitu dibahas tentang pengahapusan kata PKI dalam kurikulum ..
dibahas tentang berbagai kisah nyata G 30 S..

n wow … we interest on it sooo much !!
gara-gara indomie dah slesai ,,
kita mesti balik ke kosan dan di kamar gwe blom ada tv …
kita smwa muter otak gimana caranya bwat nonton Today’s Dialogue itu ..
n o my God ,, kita bangunin kamar sebelah dan memboyong tv mreka ke kamar .. huakakak
tapi ternyata .. sangat disayangkan ..
antenanya ga bisa ikut keangkut ..

emang ga jodoh berarti *

hehe .. ya udah ..
akhirnya yang bisa kita lakuin cuma discuss ..
n sambil berharap acara itu diulang lagyy .. [ I beg u , metro tv ^^ ]
we remembered a documenter film named “Shadow Play”
yang kata guru gw ,, kalo ketauan tu film diputer di sanur pas jaman Soeharto …
mungkin 300 orang anak sanur dan gurunya bakal dipenjara..
*argh ,, konyol !
gw inget gimana film itu memaparkan FAKTA sebenarnya tentang G 30 S ..
dan membuat gue terbengong-bengong ketika seorang dokter forensik bicara :

“ saat saya melakukan fisum , saya tidak menemukan tindak kekerasan apapun pada mereka . Baik kekerasan fisik maupun seksual. Tapi, laporan fisum itu tiba-tiba berubah ketika sampai ke masyarakat “

dan terjadilah pemberontakan besar-besaran ..
yang actually menewaskan jutaan orang Indonesia ..
yang cuma terkubur hidup-hidup di berbagai hutan di Jawa dan daerah lain ..

dan lebih terbengong-bengong lagi ,, ketika melihat seorang pria yang ingin mengembalikan mayat adiknya untuk dikubur di daerahnya ,,
dan what happen ?

ditolak ..

sakita hati rasanya liat itu ..
bagi gue itu jauh lebih kejam dari aborsi ..
bahkan ketika tubuh sudah menjadi tulang ..
tulang tersebut tetap dianggap najis ,, yang bahkan tak diijinkan untuk mendapat space 2.5x4 m untuk tempat peristirahatan terakhir ..
masi jelas di bayangan gwe ketika dalam film itu terlihat banyak kertas-kertas dengan list nama-nama orang yang dianggap terlibat ..
dan ketika orang-orang itu secara paksa diminta ikut untuk dibunuh ..

mereka dibunuh karena mereka dianggap komunis ?
komunis bukan atheis . komunis bukan tidak punya Tuhan



gwe ga tau gimana membahasakannya secara baik. komunis adalah sosialis tingkat tinggi yang berusaha memenuhi kebutuhan hidup benegara mereka dari mereka sendiri. Mereka sering diangggap orang atheis karena saking mereka yakin dapat memenuhi kebutuhan sendiri , mereka tampak seperti tidak bergantung pada apapun dan siapapun , termasuk Tuhan .


what a world ??
gimana kita bisa menjudge orang lain buruk karena dianggap tidak percaya Tuhan ,,
dibandingkan orang yang jelas-jelas beragama , tapi membunuh jutaan orang ?

maybe God was cry in 1965 .. [ hump .. ]

sodara-sodara kita yang hidup pas jaman itu banyak yang mati sia-sia..
entah kapan masalah itu selesai ,,
gue merasa beruntung menjadi [maybe about] 5% orang di Indonesia , yang tau kebenaran kejadian-kejadian itu ..
yang membuat kita taw apa yang mesti kita lakuin untuk Indonesia..

okey ,, terlepas dari semua itu ..
gue jadi sempet mikir kamar kosan gue smalam jadi kaya tempat perundingan politik *
sementara anak-anak muda di luar sana banyak yang bersenang-senang , kita mikirin gimana caranya supaya ga ada lagi pemalsuan fakta tersebut …
[ padahal ada co cakep di kosan gw yg jadi cokiber bersama yang lbi anak muda untuk diperbincangkan ^^]
dan sambil berharap , ga ada lagi segitiga politik kaya tahun 1965 ..

n I do hope ,, that I can do my best for Indonesia ..
thanks friends ,, karna pembicaraan itu gue jadi lupa soal hal yang ingin gw lupakan itu . * keep faith !

goodbye , my lover

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby thats not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby thats something I cant do
Oh I could say that Ill be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know Id only hurt you
I know Id only make you cry
Im not the one youre needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can find some way to understand Im only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
Youll find someone wholl be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love youll find with me
Oh I could say that Ill be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one youre needing
I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I dont wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But Ill never be the one youre needing
I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never ganna work out
I love you, goodbye

celine dion - i love you,goodbye

perdebatan kelas ilmu negara

okey ... this gonna b my first posting again ..
after .. gue lupa alamat blog gue yang dulu ..
saking lamanya tak kubuka blog itu ..

hump ....
it's getting hot here..
depok panas banget lo ...

sepanas kelas ilmu negara gue tadi pagi ..
[ halah ... ]
smwa berawal ketika bapak dosen membahas tentang unsur negara..
ada wilayah .. bangsa .. pemerintahan ..
dan so far far away ...
the topic goes to PALESTIN vs ISRAEL ...
sebenarnya kita cuma ngomongin soal status kenegaraan palestin ..
tapi tiba-tiba smwa bergeser ...
dan gwe mencium ada bau-bau agama disitu ...

HONESTLY ...
gue ga gitu suka membicarakan suatu hal yang kontroversial ..
tappi berbau agama ...
why ? karna semua itu rentan dengan perpecahan ...

somehow gue mikir ..
begitu banyak orang mengutuk israel dengan stereotype pembantaian dan pembunuhan massal yang ada di Palestina ..
tapi apakah mereka yang mengutuk Israel itu ,,
juga mengutuk teroris yang ngebunuh warga sipil Amerika tgl 11 September .. ?
apa bedanya ?
bukannya itu sama-sama pembunuhan dan pembantaian warga sipil ?

gue ga tau dapet jawaban dari mana ...
but i still try to do my best here ...

agak sedikit nyaman waktu bu eri membalas sms gue ,,
n isi sms itu adalah :


Proses yang panjang adalah alat latian ketekunan
dan sarana menguji ketekunan
beruntunglah kita yang melayani dalam ketekunan
keep faith
u can come anytime
4 now , do ur best n still have fun



hump..
hari yang melelahkan .. ~